For the past few days, I have been huddled in my writing space compiling mental notes targeting the comforts of life – or – in some cases, their absence. At the end of each day, I found myself focusing on how life relationships develop and impact our desired contentment. My initial impressions include the following:
Within interpersonal experiences, we find ourselves in the spotlight between choice or chance. We unearth our shared interactive definitions at that crossroad. They transition into the stories we tell ourselves of what just happened; how we emotionally reacted; and where we expected to travel next
Most of us understand that social connections influence the choices we make going forward. Equally, they touch the flow of actions that we knowingly plan to take. For these reasons, many of life’s predictable outcomes appear to be simply resigned along related lines.
As part of this debate, I would like to think that our relational experiences, romantic or otherwise, could fall into one of the following three categories, yet, with crossovers between them:
- Explosive impassioned encounters: A virtual high-speed chance meeting of powerful demonstrative responses set into motion by the need to connect. They are moments when we become so covered with untapped sensations that all forms of normalcy are placed on hold. Unfortunately, in all interpersonal relationships with extreme expressive beginnings, momentum wanes quickly. Predictability and disenchantment subsequently replace most forms of short-lived rapture.
- Personal emotional regret causes our individual baggage to search for balance. We seek the sensitivity of responsibly that is gently overseen and controlled. In truth, we have “settled” for a method of emotional coping. Our personal relational energy is wrapped inside a convenient sanctuary.
Immunity is found in safe havens. Freedom appears to wane when the fear of being alone is greater than the pain of being with the wrong person. We become calm because the suffering we understand feels safer than the explosion we have yet to recover from. Familiarity is truth. An extended time with mediocrity creates confusion with the belief that it is not only our destiny, but our intended path in life.
These emotional adjustments become engraved on our soul. Better personal experiences exist but not for us. To choose to “settle,” we give ground to our energy and accept limited views in life and engagement with others.
Selecting comfort is not a declaration of embracing low or poor self-esteem. The greater issue is realizing what is possible for us. This would include the encouragement for elated emotional bursts while engaging with others. Yet, by being complacent, we have decided to play small; to shrink. Accepting comfort allows us to exist within the limited walls of emotional safety, enveloped with protection.
- Mirrored relationships: In contrast to comfort, the luxury in life is to be genuinely recognized without judgement; to be truly “seen” in personal relationships.
It is a completely caring interaction, with the ability to be shown who we are and how we wish to be treated by others. On the surface, which may seem terrifying, acknowledging our true self through the eyes of another is empowering. Acceptance is assured. Each interaction is a gift of complete ease, inner awareness, and immeasurable gratification.
The real comfort in life is not the path chosen, but rather with the honesty in which we make and live with our decisions. We do not find joy in the things that we collect, but from the heartfelt interpersonal selections we have made, safe or otherwise.
Bud Megargee is a former senior behavioral healthcare executive; a Washington, DC., healthcare lobbyist; and an independently published, best-selling and award-winning author. He began writing after exploring Eastern philosophy and alternative medicine techniques in the professional treatment of emotional challenges at a Taiwanese Buddhist monastery.