I have spent years wrestling with the hardest questions life can throw at us. “Can you forgive me?” stands above all others. This question demands more than just a yes or no. We are asked to not only face our deepest flaws, but bare our mistakes with the risk of rejection.
When someone asks, “Can you forgive me?”, they fully expose themselves. Admitting wrong doing is done without the veil of excuses or justifications. That moment of terrifying exposure strips away our defenses and forces us to be acutely aware of what we have done.
Forgiveness does not erase the past or pretend harm never occurred. It is an act of mercy that acknowledges pain, chooses compassion, and dares to believe in the possibility of healing. Replying “yes” to the question can free the constraints for both the one asking and the one granting it. However, inevitably, old wounds for both parties become opened.
As an occasional practicing Buddhist, we are told that before we can genuinely seek another’s forgiveness, we must first forgive ourselves. We need to own all our actions, without half-measures or rationalizations. Not only then can an apology be sincere, we can face the answer without collapsing under shame or fear.
“Can you forgive me?” is the ultimate test of our humanity. Although this sounds overly dramatic, this most difficult question intertwines vulnerability and empathy like no other does. Embracing this query with the strength of honesty can transform any relationship and track a course towards genuine reconciliation.
Bud Megargee is a former senior behavioral healthcare executive; a Washington, DC., healthcare lobbyist; and an independently published, best-selling and award-winning author. He began writing after exploring Eastern philosophy and alternative medicine techniques in the professional treatment of emotional challenges at a Taiwanese Buddhist monastery.